What happens when a feminist gets married? Does she suddenly forget all her beliefs, wear ribbons in her hair, and wait eagerly at the door for the arrival of her husband like a Maltese? The logical conclusion would be that she’s …still a feminist.
Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing.com is the first recognized “feminist bridezilla.” She’s keeping her last name, wearing a not-quite-white dress, and educating her wedding guests about same-sex marriage rights. Her bridezilla tenancies?
Although we are darn sure she’s a feminist, we don’t know why people are calling her a bridezilla (hey, that’s our name!). There are no reports of her screaming at a caterer or firing bridesmaids. If anything, Valenti fits the bridezilla definition for going forward with her Big Dream Wedding despite her readers’ uproar.
We salute Jessica Valenti! Sure, bridezilla might not be your average feminist. When we give the finger to the patriarchy, it has a five-carat diamond on it. And we’re drawn to glittery bags, giant sunglasses, and beautiful weddings. But feminism is all about choice and it will be a cold day in hell before bridezilla lets someone speak for her.
If you want to celebrate your nuptials in a big way, but not lose your feminist street cred, take a look at these five feminist wedding trends.
1. What’s in a name? For feminists, everything. Fellow bridezillas, remember name change is your choice. Don’t let anyone (not even the groom-to-be) make this important decision for you.
The hyphen is alive and well and we’ve heard more bride and grooms keep their individual last names or make up new ones (so cool). If you keep your name, be prepared to explain to your accountant, cable installer, insurance agent, and your grade-school friends that yes, you’re married and no, you didn’t take his name. Keep in mind that a few raised eyebrows are better than a full-blown identity crisis or taking a name like “Weinerham.”
2. Wedding pictures before the wedding. Oh so long ago, (like in the year 2000) brides thought it was bad luck for the groom to see them right before the wedding. Not so anymore.
More brides are scheduling posed pictures with their bridal party before the ceremony. Having your posed pictures before the shindig starts saves you from standing and smiling after the ceremony, when all you want to do is celebrate. Bridezilla hint: You’ll still have the “groom sees bride” moment, plus your photographer will get better angles and you’re at your freshest in the beginning of the day.
3. It’s a nice day for a not-so-white wedding. Bridezilla still thinks white is the prettiest color on a bride. Not because it symbolizes purity, because white pairs just so with sun-kissed skin and it makes color coordination a breeze. But if your favorite color happens to be lipstick red, just tell Grandma to avert her eyes. For an understated, yet still feminist touch, consider ivory – it’s a wonderful hue and not reserved for second weddings anymore!
4. Mangagement rings. This is a relatively new and exciting wedding trend. Upon their engagement, some feminists give their guys mangagement rings to symbolize commitment. We wonder if guys go through the “make your single friends jealous with the ring” stage. Somehow we doubt it.
5. No giveaway. Many feminists believe that the father “giving away” his daughter to the groom feels a little too much like property exchange. It’s a beautiful moment in the traditional ceremony, but the new trend is for brides and grooms to walk down the aisle together! Some brides walk down the aisle with both of their parents and some brides walk alone.
Whether you choose to have the bouquet toss because you think it’s fun or toss the tradition because you’re not comfortable making your single ladies fight for flowers, it’s your wedding. Embrace the bridezilla spirit and have your perfect wedding, whatever that means to you. Comment below if you’re having a Big Fat Feminist Wedding!
Well, it’s not meant to be a feminist wedding, but I guess it fits well enough. We gave each other engagement rings, I got mine first, but he wanted to feel that he “belonged” to someone so I gave him one too – with diamonds. It’s gorgeous and he loves it.
I took my best friend wedding dress shopping with me, and I’ll be marrying him next year. The sales ladies are a little aghast, but who else would I want to LOVE my dress but my Fiance? So he helped me pick it, I wouldn’t want to have done it without him.
I’ll be walking myself down the aisle. Honestly I can’t even fathom it happening any other way.
And the bouquet toss, originally the idea was scrapped, but with a new candy theme, we’ll be tossing a candy bouqet and garter to anyone who wants to catch them.
And last, but certainly not least. He will be taking my last name after the wedding. I have always wanted to keep my last name and frankly in a perfect world my husband would take my last name so we could all have the same one. Well guess what, he doesn’t particularly like his and has always wanted to change it. We both get our wish.
This is a very sad post. That a bridal blog is attempting to establish it’s “feminist cred.” It’s sad in it’s desperate posturing. If you really want to prove how feminist you are, you would immediately cease publishing this blog because women being obsessed with weddings is not winning you any feminist points. It’s laughable that you’re claiming to be opposed to traditions when there is nothing more traditional than women thinking weddings are a big deal. Don’t you know that does not fit the feminist party line? Real feminists express disdain for the whole wedding industry. Instead you’re perpetuating the traditional idea that a wedding is a big deal in a woman’s life. So if you don’t see how bizarre it is for a wedding site to claim to be opposed to all “tradtions” you need to stop fooling yourself. I wonder who do you think visits this site? Feminists, or the “traditional” women that you’re showing contempt for?
A feminist bridezilla–fabulous! As a feminist, I didn’t realize I had the option of being a bridezilla, but now that I know, I will certainly explore the role! While my partner and I are not engaged in the traditional, patriarchal sense, we are planning to marry. It’s nice to discover that there is at least a bit of guidance available to those of us seeking equality-themed weddings.
I still like the father giving away deal. True, it can be taken like a property exchange, but I like to see it more as a “I made sure she was safe, please do the same” kinda thing, and not like she can’t take of herself, but like respect. And the whole add-on last name, I LOVE IT! I really like my last name, but I like his too, so I’m keeping both!