By now, we all know a few infamously bad things that can ruin a wedding: a scheming best friend, a groom with cold feet, a pair of wedding crashers canoodling with the bridesmaids. But there are a few more subtle factors that can ruin a wedding in a way that is more catastrophic than comedic. Luckily, it doesn’t take the running length of a movie to figure out how to avoid them.
1) The Officiator. In an increasingly untraditional society, modern couples are giving less and less thought to who performs their wedding ceremony. Viewing the officiator as a sort of pastoral parrot, repeating the same dusty vows everyone has heard a thousand times, many couples rustle up any internet-ordained officiator and head to the chapel. But far from being a mere vow ventriloquist, the officiator is the M.C. of your entire wedding. Their thoughts about love, gender and religion will irrevocably flavor your entire ceremony, and therefore can serve as your wedding’s keynote or its collapse. Indeed, I have seen officiators who use their time at the mic as their own comedy hour and pepper the audience with crass jokes, an officiator so misogynistic that only the bride’s vows included the “obey” portion of the “Love, Honor and Obey”vow, and worst of all, officiators who DID stick to the same boring wedding script-after all, how many times can one hear “wedding is a journey” without smirking into you date’s shoulder?
To avoid mistakes like these, take a little care when finding your officiator. Choose someone who knows you as a couple, like a marriage counselor or a close friend. Make sure you hear the officiator’s planned speech in its entirety, and feel free to edit out any parts you don’t like. Get proactive by providing them with scriptures, poetry or speech excerpts that emulate your thoughts on love and life. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to say “I Don’t!” to tacky humor or anything that doesn’t reflect your taste.
2) The Sound System. The moment the audience hears “I Do” is nothing short of awe-inspiring. But hearing the sentiment over and over in a hideous echo incurred by a faulty sound system is just plain creepy. The vows and the sermon are some of the most special and personal parts of the wedding, but even the most beautifully written toast isn’t worth it if you can only hear every other word. Yet, time and time again, people pay no heed to the sound system. I have seen weddings where a faulty sound system literally ruined the wedding: no one could hear the pastor and the vows just faded in and out. A creaky, unstable sound system just seems like a bad omen. If you don’t want your wedding to feel like a cheap prom, invest plenty of money in a high-quality sound system and test it thoroughly. Make sure there are professionals on-hand to man the sound should anything go wrong, and if possible choose wedding insurance that covers sound system snafus.
3)The Best Man. The most pivotal member of the groomsmen, it is amazing how often the Best Man behaves like a loose cannon, silent partner, or bachelor gone wrong. I have seen Best Men spending the whole night groping bridesmaids on the dance floor, stoically glaring at the bride throughout the wedding ceremony, getting way too drunk, and worst of all, mumbling an ill-prepared or incoherent speech at the wedding toast. While guys may not want to bum their Best Man out by putting too much pressure on them, it is better to be open and honest about what is expected and then give the Best Man the chance to agree or bow out. On the Big Day, the Best Man should have nothing less than his A-game in place. You want a guy who is punctual, who will show up looking sharp, be beaming with joy that you’ve found your dream woman, drink moderately, act appropriately towards the bridesmaids and give a heartfelt wedding toast about how happy he is for you. Any other deviant behavior can ruin a ceremony faster than a rainstorm at a garden ceremony.
4) Too-Little Kids. Of course, little kids are completely adorable and we all love seeing these mini-people parade down the aisle with their little curls and missing teeth. However, when it comes to sacred vows, little kids are a definite liability. I have seen a wedding where a cherubic three-year-old started down the aisle, only her chubby legs couldn’t quite carry her and she tumbled face down into the aisle, screaming and wailing and came up with blood running down her face. Not good for the child, and definitely not good for ceremony ambiance. Little boys can be similarly problematic. I have seen too-young boys included in weddings: ring bearers who got to the end of the aisle and promptly sat down, or stuck their fingers in the wedding cake, or kept tugging on the bride’s dress when she was dancing her first dance with the groom. Kids are adorable and if you have your own, of course you should include them in the wedding. Just be realistic about what tasks and durations are appropriate for them. You want Precious Moments, not Rugrats.
5) Not Being A Bridezilla. Sure, bridezillas get a bad rap, but here’s the bottom line: in this day and age, it takes an obsessive bride to put on an amazing wedding. Handling a huge budget, coordinating innumerable vendors, and making sure everyone delivers on time is an enormous task, and requires a certain assertiveness and unwavering attention to detail. Think of the best wedding you’ve ever been to: the perfect color-coordinated wedding favors, impeccably timed dinner courses, endless elegant cocktails and perfect music volume. You better believe a bridezilla was behind that affair.
On the oter hand, brides who are too scared to be assertive because they don’t want to get the “bridezilla” rap end up with poorly dyed bridesmaids shoes that leave prints on the aisle, mismatched wilting bouquets, and someone’s blue-haired aunt torturing guests with unrecognizable renditions of “Staying Alive.” This is the biggest day of your life, so don’t be afraid to indulge your inner bridezilla when it comes to getting what you want. In the end, your friends and family will thank you for it.
Number 5 is a horrible suggestion and will only encourage the worst behavior by prospective brides. When it comes to the reception in particular,the bride and groom SHARE a responsibility far greater than making sure the bridesmaid’s shoes match or the rented swans are in the pool on time: namely, hosting a party that is all about the comfort and enjoyment of the guests. Who cares if there are a few snafus … every big event has them. What people remember is a bride and groom who are relaxed enough to be gracious and charming to each and every guest; who don’t keep guests waiting interminably while the bride sits for 1000 photos of her lovely self; and who don’t freak out about each and every thing (the families involved will appreciate this even more than the guests!)
Another observation: there’s no good reason that a prospective bride and groom can’t put their heads together to plan a ceremony and reception that won’t bankrupt their respective families. Scaling down a huge celebration to match available resources may not make the bridal industry happy, but it’s a lot classier (and a better predictor of marital success, I think) than putting $75K on Mom’s VISA card so the spoiled bride can have just what she wants on “her day”.
Dear Bonnie,
Thanks for your comments. How interesting that you would come to a site called Bridezilla, and then be surprised to find that we advocate Bridezilla behavior. Tell us, does the presence of sub sandwiches at Subway offend you too?
Let’s face reality. A bride on her wedding day is the prettiest she’ll ever be. It’s like a ballroom dancer once told me. The waltz, the salsa, the tango, etc all exist for the GUY to make the girl he’s dancing with the center of attention. A strong male dancer can make the ugliest, clumsiest girl on the planet look like a gorgeous graceful swan. A wedding is to showcase the bride. Give her what she wants.
I just told Bidezilla to stick it after she raised tux prices for the men in the party 180%, so now she can worry about finding another groomsman to replace me! LOL
palinabuvecn
nice post
yotujosacn
nice post
Thank you Miss B for sticking up for bridezillas!!
Please don’t tell us brides to NOT want a perfect day and we should be gracious to our guests–heck no! It’s our wedding! If we want 100 upon 400 photos of ourselves and our bridal party and our groom–then so be it!!
I’m trying not to be the ultimate bridezilla, but I know I’m at least a bridezilla to some extent. It’s about throwing ourselves the most fun and lavish party. As I read in a Bridezilla letter we are the Queens at Buckingham Palace and we invited other “royalty” to enjoy a grand ball with us. I want my Grand Ball to be the way I want it. I’m paying for it, so why shouldn’t I?
I had the pleasure of being Maid of Honor in my friend’s wedding and it was wonderful. She wanted everyone to have a good day, she knew that there was a chance that some things would not go as smoothly as planned, and she accepted it because she was ecstatic about God uniting her with the man of her dreams. Everyone loved her for it! Her gracious nature made us bridesmaids WANT to make her day great, and not just do it out of obligation.
I would like to know how many Bridezillas actually ENJOY “their” day? I do not think there are many. I think this is because they spend soooo much time being unhappy about things that they are unable to enjoy the blessing that God has given to them.
I landed on this site due to a heated debate about bridesmaids dresses with a future Bridezilla. The idea of making everyone else unhappy for one person’s “day” is horrible. It will produce ill feelings for all of the people who attend or participate in the wedding and in the end who really wants others to remember “their day” in disgust.
It’s “officiant.”
There’s a difference between being a shrewed business person with an eye for detail and a completely annoying b*tch bridezilla. A bridezilla just gets played for all her parents’ money by vendors who play to her need for “the best.” A shrewed business person gets a fab wedding for less and actually enjoys it and so do the guests.
Just a little thought…Don’t jump on me here for this…
But when did a marriage become more about the wedding than it did about the relationship?
I’m currently involved in a wedding where the bride is so miserable with the fiance, fighting constantly, and all she can think about is the wedding. What’s going to happen when she’s at the wedding, looks around and sees how perfect the place cards and all that rubbish look—-but she can’t even look in the face of her groom and feel passion and love and excitement?
Or when she looks back at her photos that cost $2400, she’ll see a bride and groom who spent weeks and months on end in a bad place with eachother.
There’s a difference between being “bridezilla”, and wanting your wedding to go over smoothly.
I didn’t have one stress leading up to my wedding. Not ONE. I didn’t make my bridal party feel like garbage, I didn’t boss people around, and I wasn’t rude to the people helping me put my wedding together. But I can honestly say, it was the best day of my life. I also didn’t damage my relationship with my (now) husband in the process.
Bridezillas have to be careful not to ruin the friendships and relationships of the people that are there to support them, just for the sake of having a “perfect wedding day”.
nothing is perfect, and having unreachable expectations is horrible for yourselves and for everyone else involved. Once you accept that, you can enjoy your wedding day happily. I pity anyone who does nothing but stress over such minor details.
guess what: 50 years from now when you’re sitting on the couch with your husband, do you think you’ll even REMEMBER that your place cards mistakenly had a gold trim instead of a silver trim?
people are so superficial sometimes…
Just a tip from just another mother of just another bride who becomes a monster disguised as a princess: It’s not wise to be mean or scream at the only one who will still love you after your big day, in spite of the way you behave, and it’s not smart to behave that way to the one who paid for your wedding day. So please, whatever you do or say, don’t make the big mistake of refusing to see that the mother of the bride is not the enemy.
searched this site out because my son is marrying a Bridezlla who is so focused on Her Day, Her Way she has reduced him to a wreck and managed to piss me off big time. Have half a mind to skip this fiasco entirely and make his second wedding a big event because his marriage to this monster ain’t gonna last.
I am about to get married and my wedding is NOT an expensive wedding its simple yet elegant! i am not going to yell at my mom. or my bridesmaids, I am getting married and its the day I will become one with my fiance which is what all this is about! I really dont see the need to be rude to people that is horrible they have all been nothing but nice and helpful why would I do that to the people I love?