Today a colleague forwarded us Slate’s “Diamonds are a Girls Worst Friend” article from the e-zine’s wedding edition. In this article, the intrepid Meghan O’Rourke says that engagement rings are wrong because, essentially, they are old-fashioned, un-egalitarian, and put women into sexual slavery.
Despite all the potential perils apparently associated with engagement rings, we think it is much, much more dangerous to marry a guy who doesn’t buy you an engagement ring. But you don’t have to believe Bridezilla. Just ask Miss Britney Spears.
Britney’s Self-Bought Ring: The Beginning of the End
I believe in Miss O’Rourke’s utopia- in order to avoid sexual slavery and prove we have truly evolved as feminists- we would take the Britney Spears’ route of becoming wildly successful and marrying the first man who struck our fancy with no thought of “security,” “sugardaddies” or other such outdated notions.
Like Miss Spears, we would perhaps even propose marriage ourselves and pay for our own engagement rings.And what sort of amazing vibrant marriage would result from such an action? What sort of upstanding mate would we attract? We take a page from Britney’s sad story to find out.
A Man Who Has No Respect For Sentiment and Tradition. As we look at the disastrous marriage of Miss Britney Spears, we see that a guy who is too lazy to buy you and engagement ring will be equally loath to take you out on Valentine’s Day (Federline spent the holiday with his boys in Vegas) or buy you flowers on Mother’s Day (K-Fed spent the day with his other baby’s mother). Federline also notoriously spent tons of weekends away partying and acting irresponsibly, a far cry from pitching in on dirty dishes and diaper duty.
A Man Who Has No Respect for your Money or Career. Ostensibly, Spears loved Federline because he wasn’t intimidated by her or her career. Nevertheless he had no respect for her hard work, as he stood by and let her purchase an expensive engagement ring for herself and then proceeded to blow millions of dollars of her hard-earned money throughout their marriage on a flashy car and his failed record, to name a few things, until she eventually had to put him on an allowance.
A Man who Has no Respect for the Sanctity of Marriage. If a man has to do no work to secure the marriage proposal, he will certainly do no work during the marriage itself. As we can see from Spederline’s tumultuous and fleeting two years together, a man who won’t spring for a ring is less committed and therefore, more likely to leave when the going gets tough.
In conclusion, we find Slate’s assertions about the stigmas of engagement rings anti-climactic and logically ludicrous. The engagement ring sets a precedent for the entire marriage that the man believes the woman is worth investing in, sacrificing for, working for and waiting for.We at Bridezilla beseech you to realize in advance that a big sparkly ring from a man is a lot less hazardous to your health than the shaved-head tendecies and breakdowns in sanity that result when you BYOR).
We hate being right about this, but unfortunately, we still are!
“…we think it is much, much more dangerous to marry a guy who doesn’t buy you an engagement ring.”
Not necessarily true. My engagement ring is a family heirloom, it was my grandmother’s and then my mother’s. Now it is mine, and hopefully one day it will be on the hand of a future daughter or daughter-in-law of mine. It is a gorgeous ring, which would have cost far more than my fiance and I could afford – especially since we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. He didn’t BUY it, but it doesn’t mean that he cares any less about me. It did mean that he had to talk to my mother and ask permission, all that “old fashioned” stuff. To us, it makes it much more special than if he had bought a ring.
What a joke this article is! You females STILL don’t understand that the old ways are dead, and you women are the ones who killed them!
A Man Who Has No Respect For Sentiment and Tradition.- So what your saying here is that MEN, must adhere to the (old fashioned) ways, or they are bad men. While women are afforded much more latitude in their behavior.(80% of divorce is initiated by females)
A Man Who Has No Respect for your Money or Career.- The same must be said for women who wish to be showered with shiny things, who then asks for divorce because her “man” works too much…(divorcing your husband and taking all his money, and his kids is much more telling than a man who will not buy you a ring)
A Man Who Has No Respect For Sentiment and Tradition.- LMAO!!! Really? Does this apply to females also? Females used to have class, and common sense,but with the rise of the (gender) feminist agenda, females have taken on more male qualities, and NOT the good ones, that make up a decent, loving man. Women in general now have no reservations about tearing a family/relationship apart, if the male does not conform to HER/ HER friends standards.
Weddings are considered “her special day”, why can’t she buy her own ring? With more women in the workplace, should a woman not feel empowered, buying her own ring?
Women want these rights and privileges handed over to them, while they want to never be held responsible for their actions, or seek lesser sentences, based solely on gender.
Like the article said, most girls grow up fantasizing about their weddings. A fantasy is a false construct, so when the fantasy fails to live up to the woman’s predisposed idea of what SHOULD be. Divorce is initiated.
So seeing that females grow up, dreaming of “their special day” they should also be saving to pay for the ring (she wants) for her “special day”? Is that too much to ask?
Women used to get married with dowries, that tradition stopped, but you will never hear a female complain about it.. In truth, females are only concerned with what benefits THEM, and the males be damned. This is why I cannot support feminism… Feminists will never support us males, or male struggles and hardships.
Well, to be fair, I personally think that sometimes the old ways are better. From my point, I plan on working on my girlfriends’ mother, to prove to her that her daughter is in safe hands.
As for making her buy her own ring, how about a compromise solution. After you propose (And assuming she says yes here,) take your fiancee shopping for a ring she likes. Try to set some sort of limit about it, but reasonable ones, like a $ figure you would like to stay under. Obviously, not some ludicrously tiny figure, because that’s plain wrong, but something that will get her a special ring. Another way is to pre-pay the ring. That way, it avoids the credit shock. Obviously, ONLY do this with a reputable, well known jeweller.
These are just ideas. I don’t know if theyre workable, but I hope they do.
For the record, I’m encouraging my girlfriend to pursue her dreams and her schooling. We both are skilled in different areas. I pick up a more general variety of info, while she loves being in school, and I’ve got no qualms saying she is smarter than me.
The old ways aren’t dead yet. If you love her, it will show. I think there’s a charm in doing it right.