The annual grinchzilla gift guide!
Let’s be honest: no one actually likes shopping for other people. It’s boring. The malls are so crowded you’re guaranteed to get run over by a stroller at least once. And every year, you face one of two shopping scenarios:
Scenario One: You spend hours sleuthing the crowded mall for a perfect, passive-aggressive gift for the cojerker you happened to draw in your office’s Secret Santa. How do you send an insult wrapped in pretty paper? Read on.
Scenario Two: You have a friend who has expensive bridezilla tastes. She always manages to find you that sweater you’ve been lusting after. You resort to giving her a bundle of Bath and Body Works lotions. Everyone needs more soap right? Wrong. Find out how to get her a personal gift she’ll actually like.
Here are a few inexpensive gift suggestions for your friends and your frenemies:
Gifts for Friends
Peek-a-Boo Fingerless Gloves
How many times have you heard your colleague complain about the cold office? Shut her up with a pair of soft as feathers fingerless gloves from Anthropologie. Her hands will stay toasty and the adorable little finger hat turns these gloves from hobo-chic to office appropriate.
Cool ornaments
If you’re going to gift someone an ornament, let it not be the massed-produced Target kind. These unique ornaments are just perfect for the hipster chick who prefers to deck her halls with items that expresses her individuality and/or ironic tastes. The Koi Fish ornament and Flying Monkey ornament are just a few of Bridezilla’s favorites. And ornaments aren’t just a holiday thing – they can work as elegant wedding decorations and bridesmaid gifts too. Check out this custom bridesmaid ornament.
Berry Ball
It’s not quite stocking sized but the Berry Ball is a practical gift for girls who find their bras in a bundle. Give her the time saving gift of not having to untangle her dainties from her towels with this protective lingerie cleaning solution. It’s big enough for a few pairs of granny panties or a bra and it goes right into the laundry.
Gifts for Frenemies:
A Dummies Book About Anything
Nothing says “I think you’re an idiot” quite like a Dummies book. If you want to subtly insult someone, a Dummies book is the way to do it. Find out their passion and then find a relevant Dummies book . If you don’t know the person’s hobby, pick up Sex for Dummies
“What? I thought you loved writing fiction”
Your frenemy or enemigo will likely not retort with “I have an MFA, I’m far above the basic dummy level” because it makes them sound conceited.
They’ll just shrug and half smile while the insult stays perfectly intact. And you can smirk to yourself with sweet grinchzilla satisfaction.
A Sassybax Body Shaper
The Sassybax body shapers do an amazing job of shrinking muffin tops. I got to test drive the Strapless Torso Trim and found my inflated holiday spare tire had shrunk by inches. Future Swoon List item! They’re the perfect undergarments for your little black New Year’s dress. However, body shapers do not make great presents for friends (unless it’s on their gift list). It’s like giving someone a card that reads: “Seasons Greetings: You’re Getting Fat.”
One ticket to a concert
Sitting at a concert alone could make anyone feel like a loser. Give her one concert ticket to see her favorite band and she’ll “rock out” while awkwardly pretending to text her friends. It’s the perfect revenge gift for your unreliable pal – you know, the one who swears she’s going to be somewhere then cancels at the last minute or the gal pal who constantly ditches you for her dude.
May all your insulting gifts be right. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
