The Bridezilla Finishing School: Graceful Wedding Gratuities

Today’s Bridezilla Finishing School Lesson is: How to give appropriately gracious wedding gratuities to the good wedding help of this world. Remember, no matter how outrageous these wedding tips may seem at the time, they are a lot cheaper than legal fees and bought-off witnesses. Bridezilla Bonus Tip: Don’t scrimp when it comes to buying your wedding planner’s silence about the whole “I’ll tear up this contract and use it as wedding confetti” comment. You were just being wry, we know!
As always, we well-finished ‘zillas show our gratitude with a little more style than most. To create the trademark Bridezilla Gratuity Goody Bag, include: a cash tip in a sealed envelope, a hand-written thank you card, and either a wedding favor a wedding floral to take home.
Here’s how much to tip per wedding vendor:

Coat Room Attendants: 50 cents per guest. An extra dollar for every wince-worthy “nice rack” joke makes a well-bred Bridezilla out of you. Bridezillas with big weddings may do better to arrange a flat fee rather than a per-person price.
Limousine Driver: A tip of 15% . For getting Bridezilla to the church on time, and doubling as a super designated driver while you imbibed the entire mini-fridge on the way to the ceremony, 15% is the appropriate tip. Hint: Wise Bridezillas never tip twice; make sure the gratuity wasn’t already included in your final bill before you pay again upon parking.
Officiant: A $75 donation minimum is de riguer for the one who kindly altered your vows to read “For richer or richer.” On that note, $100 is really more becoming of a well-bred Bridezilla. There is a rumor officiants find tips offensive, but this is really just the equivalent of Bridezilla saying “you shouldn’t have” when someone gives her a wedding gift, when really she would have gutted them if they didn’t. If you are worried about appearing irreverent, opt for a church donation rather than a direct contribution.
Valets: 50 cents -$1.00 per car. Wise Bridezillas encourage car pooling and taxis, or getting married on remote private islands to keep per-car costs down.
Bartenders: 10% of total liquor bill. This one will lighten your Fendi wallet fast, we know, but it was worth it for the top-shelf good time!