One of Bridezilla’s pet peeves is brides getting married while they are still wee fledgling zillas who’ve yet to taste the pleasures of life as independent ladies of the world. Yet, in the course of our own wedding planning, we are instantly irked to see teeny-tiny brides running around the wedding shops, acting like they are planning proms with their posse of stick figure friends. Despite being completely prepubescent and totally unready to make such a serious decision, we see these wee precious moments people, these cake-toppers-come-to-life proceed to dopplegang us through the mature serenity of our own wedding planning process. Well, we don’t like it. Thus, Bridezilla has put together ten ways to tell if you are too young to get married. They’re surprisingly simple, so why not read on?!
1) You are still in school. Sorry, but Bridezilla believes that the words “dorm room” and “dom perignon” just do not belong in the same conversation. High school, college and yes, grad-school are incredibly stressful, soul-searching times and trying to circumvent figuring out who you are by getting married is plain irresponsible. First comes diploma, then comes white dress. Trust us, you’ll thank us some day.
2) You want to go to Disneyland or some similar theme park for your honeymoon. It isn’t retro. It isn’t whimsical. If your personal fantasies correspond with that of a six-year-old screaming boy, you are so not ready to get married.
3) Your groom-to-be cuts out of the rehearsal dinner due to the opening of Napoleon Dynamite. We wish we were being euphemistic here, but unfortunately we actually know a girl whose fiance did this. Bridezilla had nightmares for months! Again, hazelnut chicken linguine and locker tater tots don’t mix! Never marry a man who would ditch you for a low-budget Mormon indie flick.Never.
4) Your choices for the processional include Norah Jones, David Gray, or Dave Matthews. Take our word for this, if you choose “Crash into Me” over “Canon in D” you are too young to get married and will be teased mercilessly by your peers during your adult years. You will cringe every time your wedding video is played. Better to save the happening hits for the bachelorette party, or at least choose the instrumental version of Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” for the ceremony.
5) You think the coin jar labeled “beer money” constitutes a wedding budget. Of course it’s possible to create a fine affair with low funds, but if you’re recycling your junior prom dress and wearing it as your wedding gown (again, a true horror Bridezilla has had to face!) perhaps it’s time to wait a few years until you and your husband-to-be are slightly more…financially mature.
6) Your “reception hall” is your one-bedroom apartment. This is an extension of #5 – cutting corners is acceptable, but squishing your family members onto your secondhand couch while the grocery store canapes heat up in the oven is simply beyond the pale. Show respect to your wedding party and yourself by putting the wedding off until you can at least secure space in a park. Preferably Central Park.
7) The wedding invitation of your dreams matches the birthday invitation of your fifth grade year. From cotton candy stripes to cupcakes, your wedding invitations are not the time to exercise your arrested sense of whimsy. If you’re tempted towards Kool-aid bright polka dots and powder-puff trimmings that scream “I got these at Targ-ay baby,” you’re too young to be making the sacred-est of vows.
8) A No-Booze Reception. Regardless of what you’re officiants and in-laws may have told you, it’s time to set the record straight. Sparkling cider doesn’t “taste exactly the same” as champagne. While fruit punch is fine for the prom, fine wines are more the tune for weddings, even if you’re the teetotaling type. And if you’d need a fake I.D. to procure appropriate beverages – darling, you’re too young to be getting married.
9) Your DIY allowance extends beyond one or two lucky happenstances. Sure, having your sister do your makeup is fine – if she’s a makeup artist. If your graphic designer friend wants to make you some fabulous invitations as a gift, that’s lovely! (But check out their website first.) But if your DIY-happy acquaintances lack the professional background to create something truly unique for you, look elsewhere. If you’re even considering doing your own makeup or printing off your own invitations, STOP. You have every day of the rest of your life to do your own makeup, and homemade cards stopped being okay when your class projects stopped involving construction paper.
10) You’re marrying the guy you’ve been dating since you were sixteen. We all know the couple that met and married after a grade school hook- up. They look alike. They talk alike. They hang out with their families constantly and have lost all natural curiosity regarding the modern world. In short, pre-mature mating has made their social life (and individual self-growth) just stop.
Remember, the romanticism of only dating one person is a fiction best left to Mandy Moore movies and other monogamy propaganda. Everyone, yes that’s everyone, needs to date around at least a bit, even if they eventually return to their childhood sweetheart someday. You don’t have to canoodle with the entire Sigma Chi House to earn your Bridezilla stripes, but mark our words: if you don’t experience at least one whole-milk machiatto (hey, you’re being dangerous) with the handsome upperclassman who smiled at you across the quad, you are guaranteeing yourself a mid-life crisis at age 25 and very possibly, an affair. We’re just being honest.Bridezilla says:The fish of the sea are best sampled pre- ceremony, so do it now so you can know for sure later.
I was young and got married at 19. I am no longer married and pay half my salary to a woman that cheated on me even after she put me threw all heck and back during the wedding process that we charged on my credit cards. I’d like to offer some advice to anyone that qualifies for the above. PRENUPs! It can protect both of you.
@ joe
better advice would be to just not get married. There is actually very little benefit for men these days, and considering a large amount of marriages end in divorce, you might as well just save yourself the money and the stress and spend enough time with your partner to just be commonlaw married anyway.
Chris,
While there may be few benefits the benefits that are in place are very important for two people who are deeply committed to each other. What if something happened to his girlfriend? If she were in the hospital he would not have any say over what happened and he may not be allowed to visit her at all. Also what if something happened to him, if she were only his girlfriend she would be left with nothing. I can hardly imagine that a man who truly loves a woman would be okay with that. Then of course there are the financial benefits. If he does not work or her job has better benefits he may be added to them to be covered in case something happens.
Also it’s much healthier to the mental state of a person to have a solid commitment, man or woman.
Wow. You guys are so hypocritical and stupid.
People can’t listen to modern music at their modern wedding? We don’t get married in the 1800’s anymore, we don’t need to listen to old bullshit. Modern slow songs are fine, grow up.
What’s so bad about Disneyland? Maybe some people actually enjoy having fun you idiots.
And yeah, everyone has to have sex with the guy that they meet at the bar. Fucking whores.
Have a nice day.
ahha man i totally agree with u g….only sluts do that i mean if u really are a woman then u meet a guy who doesnt wanna by a so called”drink” to later have sex with her u know.if your a woman that thinks with mind and not her ”clam-burger” u wont even give it a chance and say no to a drink……u asses on bridezilla,i seriously have to say that last sign(#10) is really bull!!!!
You are totally right!!
Women complained in the 1960´s about HAVING to get married and being a housewife, but not because there was anything inherently wrong in doing so, rather because they were socially obligated to live a life they didn´t want. Nowadays I feel awkward around friends because they are trying to MAKE me not get married just because of my age/not having slept around enough/etc..
Why can´t we just go with the flow and let everyone find their happiness however it comes to them?
SHEEZ..
I know! I have been dating the same man since I was 16, and we have been married 20 years! Guess what! We got married at 20. Get off your high horse, bridezilla!
Thank you Megan! I have been dating the same guy since high school. I was 15, he was 17. We’re now 23 and 25 and planning our summer wedding! Yes, we were both young and maybe immature when we started dating. But being in a healthy relationship did not dumb us down. In fact, he’s helped me become a better person than I could have on my own!
I know exactly where you are coming from! It used to be the norm to get married young but now if you do people think your nuts. It’s completely and totally possible to have a wonderful marriage even if you do get married at a young age. The main reason so man people get divorced is because they stop trying to make their marriage work.
My sentiments exactly. Saying a woman has to go to college, has to live independently, has to have dated someone other than the person she intends to marry, etc., is fundamentally no different than saying a woman has to marry as soon as she’s legal and make as many babies as possible. It is up to each woman as an individual (and each man as an individual for that matter) to determine whether domestic, religious, career, artistic, athletic, or some combination of the above are “her thing.”
Sure, a woman MIGHT be better off if she goes to college, lives independently, and has multiple partners before settling down, but she might have found Mr. Right at an early age. It’s no one’s business but hers, the person she plans to marry, and whoever’s paying for the wedding.
I met my husband at a bar
This article is ridiculous and very immature. DIY invitations, favors and other such things are very practical and reasonable – in no way, shape or form, is being cost effective a bad thing or a marker for being “too young” to get married.
In fact, I consider it ridiculous that a couple goes out and spends gobs of money on wedding materials. It’s only one day. Spending thousands of dollars on that one day has a severe impact on the future.
I completely agree with you on this. I think having some of the aspects of your wedding DIY is fantastic. Not only because they can save you thousands of dollars but also to add a personal touch to the happiest day of your life.
Wow, what an amazingly shallow article. There are many good measures of personal maturity and readiness for marriage… the size of your wedding budget and your willingness to serve alcohol at the reception are not among them.
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I forgot that being 21 is when your legal to drink alcohol (not in most places on earth…=18) and amazingly thats the legal wedding age. n*SHOCKING*
Also i dont think sleeping around is something you need to aquire. (no wonder STD’s are still around).
I personaly dont think age has anything to do with marriage. As long as you are 18 and legal to do so, it all comes down to maturity and commitment.
I think every couple should seek a councelor before wedding to outline each individual’s expectations.
Its not about the invitations or a pass on your CD selection.
Ridiculously shallow and immature article. How old are you? Not that it matters, by what you wrote here, your maturity level definitely shows. Or lack thereof.
What authority do you have?
Age is not a determining factor in maturity and whether you’re ready for marriage. There are 42 y/o women/men who are STILL not mature enough to make a commitment towards marriage.
I married at 21. So, I guess I was too young right? But guess what? At 21 I had my Bachelor’s degree and by 22 I had begun my career so did my husband. My maturity level was much more than any other 21 y/o as my committment towards things that matter was present. Mocking couples for being faithful and actually being different than today’s overly sexed society? You’re probably trying to make yourself feel better for all the guys you’ve let sweet talk you into bed and that’s really pathetic. NEWS FLASH: I’m sure your way will get you a guy, for the night, but I doubt you’ll get someone to actually put a ring on your finger.
Listen, get off of your computer and find out what really matters in life because right now, you have no clue.
And I feel sorry for you.
BRAVO!
Well said! Been with my fiance since i was 15, he was my first and last, and i was his … so because i’ve not had sex with other men it means i am likely to have an affair and end up divorced? Haha this erson needs to grow up, she is clearly, a you said, trying to make herself feel better for being taken advantage of by men and falling for it 🙂
So I’ve only had one boyfriend. I love him. I shouldn’t marry him? There are a lot of people who only had that one boyfriend or girlfriend and made it. Like my parents, for example. Still together after 30 years.
Oh, and neither my boyfriend or I drink. Why spend money on alcohol? Besides, for those that are going to be invited–I don’t want anyone drunk on our special day. Because I don’t want to drink at my reception I am too immature to get married? How shallow.
This article is extremely rude and immature because you are judging the couple’s readiness to get married on superficial items and actions. If the two people are in love, are of legal age, and are willing to seriously commit their lives to each other their wedding choices should not dictate how other people view the seriousness of their vows. You’re perspective is hypocritical because you spend an extreme amount of money on your wedding because you believe it is what you should do, and then you feel you have the right to pass judgment on those who may not have as much money to spend, automatically making them wrong. This whole article is wrong, just wrong.
This article is extremely offensive and lacks maturity. I am 20 and getting married and my wedding has none of what you have listed above…furthermore, my fiance and I have raised the money ourselves, planned every detail ourselves, and have more of our post-wedding lives figured out than most thirty year olds that I know. This article makes it sound as if people who can’t go all out for a shallow and expensive wedding shouldn’t get married. How is that a mature view of what is considered one of the most important decisions one will make? How about being unable to keep it in your pants is a sign of immaturity? Or needing to guzzle mind-numbing amounts of champagne at the reception (because you are 21 and you can) is a sign of immaturity? Or how about the belief that the wedding is more important than what comes afterwards and your friends’ gifts to you are only worthwhile if they are expensive is a sign of immaturity? Grow up, people! There is a MARRIAGE after the wedding that is far more important than ANYTHING you have listed above. My fiance and I have budgeted ourselves so that we can put a downpayment on a HOUSE after the wedding…but I guess we are too immature to be married because neither of us sleeps around and we can’t drink like fish at the reception. Gee, I really need to reconsider where my values lie. Thanks for the epiphany!
This article is extremely offensive and lacks maturity. I am 20 and getting married and my wedding has none of what you have listed above…furthermore, my fiance and I have raised the money ourselves, planned every detail ourselves, and have more of our post-wedding lives figured out than most thirty year olds that I know. This article makes it sound as if people who can’t go all out for a shallow and expensive wedding shouldn’t get married. How is that a mature view of what is considered one of the most important decisions one will make? How about being unable to keep it in your pants is a sign of immaturity? Or needing to guzzle mind-numbing amounts of champagne at the reception (because you are 21 and you can) is a sign of immaturity? Or how about the belief that the wedding is more important than what comes afterwards and your friends’ gifts to you are only worthwhile if they are expensive is a sign of immaturity? Grow up, people! There is a MARRIAGE after the wedding that is far more important than ANYTHING you have listed above. My fiance and I have budgeted ourselves so that we can put a downpayment on a HOUSE after the wedding…but I guess we are too immature to be married because neither of us sleeps around and we can’t drink like fish at the reception. Gee, I really need to reconsider where my values lie. Thanks for the epiphany!
Wow, Most of the people responding to this article either must be that young and took it personally, Living in a Redneck hole, or overly religious. They frown at Modern Music because think of the 80s people. Did you want to walk down the isle to Billy Idol screaming in the mic? They ask you to look into something classic.
Drinking Age, AWWWWWWWWW, WAHHHHH …. People, this article is trying to tell people to explore the world because if they are so young, they haven’t and the marriage WILL end in divorce when they see a new Hunk in their line of vision. Look at High School Relationships! Most men don’t mature until they are in their 30s!!
As for the extra dating… ITS DATING!!! Dating does not always have to end in sex!! If sex is insisted on EITHER side SHE is probably a slut and for HIM well, if he insists SOOOO much, then thats all he probably wants.
Some of you people are just being so stupid about this. This article is probably a parents dream to read. Give your kids some standards because this isn’t the 1950s anymore. Most kids are spoiled rotten little brats anyway.
One more thing, Little girls get married for the sake of GETTING MARRIED. Gentlemen, make sure the girl actually loves you and isn’t crazy materialistic. Remember everyone, girls Dream about the day they get married, they don’t have the attention span to see the future.
One more piece of advice, kids. Trying getting married in front of a judge then have the wedding a while later. Get a taste (for the girls), and have a lawyer ready (guys).
Ridiculous article, most likely written from a lonely divorced middle aged woman. Not everyone has to go by the fantasy weddings that is portrayed in modern day society. A wedding is a personal choice between the couple, and if they love each other and are mature and have thought deeply enough to realise the committment they are willing to take in the future and for the rest of their lives, then leave them to it. If a couple wants to get married then let them do it themselves, however they want.
Don’t listen to this ****ing old hag.
I thought this article was extremely rude! I fit most of these points, and i don’t think they are in any way proper judgment on if someone is ready to get married. I am still in school, as is my fiance. We are both going to college and many people in my classes are either married, or are soon to be married. I see nothing wrong with going to Disneyland for your honeymoon. Your honeymoon is a time to have fun with your new life partner, and what better place to do it than Disney? I also see nothing wrong with having modern music! There will be no alcohol at all at my reception. Due to our religion, we cannot have alcohol. Not everyone not having alcohol is too young(though I am underage, but my fiance is not). Not having alcohol is a personal decision. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with doing things yourself! Its cheaper and more practical! No matter your age! That’s just ridiculous! No need to spend thousands of dollars on things that you could do yourself that make it more personal and look just as good! I also have been dating my fiance since i was 16. There is nothing wrong with marrying someone you’ve been with for a long time! That actually makes sense! Just because not all high school sweethearts work out, does not mean you should say you should not marry them if you’ve been with them since you were 16!
I’m only 18. I fit most of these signs. I’m still getting married and I’ll do just fine.
I’m sorry to say this, but the article has hit one true and very crucial point: You most likely ARE too young to get married if it is your first boyfriend/girlfriend!!!! Or let’s put it the other way, as this has not really got anything to do with age: DON’T MARRY YOUR FIRST BOY-/GIRLFRIEND!!! No matter how old you are when you first started a real relationship, you definitely have not enough experience to evaluate many important things that define a good and healthy relationship.
My parents never dated anyone else before they got married (both were in their early twenties), and yes, they still are together. But does that mean they are happily together? Entirely happily?! Well, they can’t really tell, because that is everything they know. They never experienced how a person can change/develop differently if he or she dates a new person. They don’t know whether this is what they’ve always wanted, because they never experienced something different, another country(men), another lifestyle, another political opinion, another taste in art and music… the list is endless.
I am only 23 myself, but I had a couple of serious (1-2,5 years) relationships with different men, one was still in school, one was 20 years older, one was married (yes, I’m not proud of myself), one didn’t speak my language. As of now, I’m happily together with a guy who I now think I could definitely marry one day. But I thought so about the others as well back when I was dating them.
Each of my relationships was different in some ways – and similar in others. I still don’t claim to know everything about me and men, although I see things much clearer now than I did 7 years ago when I was dating my first serious boyfriend.
What I do know today is, that some parts of my own pesonality can easily be influenced by others, especially by the man I love, and that some parts remain the same, also in complicated situations.
I think that before one should get married, he or she should know as much about him/herself as possible, because that is what eventually decides about whether two people are a good match or not.
Two years ago, I thought I really was at the point of perfectly knowing myself, and having found THE ONE. I believed 100% that this was never gonna change, ever.
Today, I still can feel what I felt back then, and it was real, but things developed differently, and so did I, and the guy, and the relationship. It wasn’t the one.
Bear in mind that getting married to the right person (the person who you’re probably having kids with!!!) is the most important and the most difficult decision you have to make in your life. There are 8 billion people out there. If you’re planning on marrying the first person you fell in love with, turn around and start examining yourself and your surroundings. Because you might not know enough about you and what’s around you, and this might make you change your mind when it’s too late for that.
Wow. This article is ridiculous. I’m 19 years old and I am in love with my boyfriend and high school sweetheart. Neither of us are in any way immature just because of our age. That is stereotypical. We love each other, we respect each other, and we don’t want anyone else. So we shouldn’t get married? I don’t need to date around my college campus to know who is right for me. a family friend got married at age 15 and was married almost 50 years until her husband unfortunately passed away. Was it a mistake for them to marry because they didn’t date around? No. Also, being cost effective is not cheap, it’s smart. In this economy, not all of us are rich enough to spend a couple hundred dollars on our makeup.
Wow. That article is absolutely ridiculous.
First off, you can’t get married in graduate school? My fiance and I are pursuing PhD’s. Which take between 4 and 7 years, full time. These are after two-year MS degrees and four-year bachelors degrees. So we have to wait until we’re in our mid-thirties to get married, or we’re “too young”? Hahaha.
And modern music can’t be part of a reception? That’s truly a gem. I wasn’t aware the music of Norah Jones is going to be ridiculous to my peers in a few years.
I plan to have quite a bit of DIY happening. I’m not sure why I have to have my makeup done if I don’t feel like it, or why it’s not alright to refrain from blowing a ton of money on ONE DAY that I could use on other necessities.
And guess what? I freaking love cupcakes. Guess I’m too young to get married!
Better put it off ’til I’m 40 and live to regret loving a guy I love. But hey, I’ll get to “date around a bit”! Such fulfillment.
I have to agree with many posts above, this article is rude and ignorant. My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 17, and we’ll both be 20 this year. He’ll be a cop in the next 6 months, and I’ll finish up my teaching degree… I don’t see why we couldn’t get married while one of finishes school, if we did wait, we would be in our thirties.
I can not see fulfillment in dating around, so that I may give pieces of my broken heart to the wrong guys till I have nothing left to give to the man that it is meant for? But I guess that type of christian thinking makes me too immature to make a life long comittment.
And I don’t think me walking down the aisle to a string quartet is neither me nor my boyfriends style. I was thinking something more along the lines of Jack Johnson…
I think alot of couples out there need to keep their heads out of articles like these. Everyone is so obsessed with divorce statistics that it’s probably keeping people from getting married, if we just listened to our hearts to feel what is right for our lives, everyone would be a lot happier.
other than that… just wow… Oh, and I’d rather do somethings DIY and have friends contribute, making it more special, rather than hireing over priced and underqualified strangers to do it for me. I’d rather put the money towards a down payment, then spend a thousand dollars on wedding invitations.
I would really like to know how old this “Miss B” (the author) is. Have you ever been married? Let alone in love? Maybe most young people are too immature to be married, but then again, how many 19 and 20 somethings do you see running down the aisle? Most people that age are out partying it up and making decisions they’re going to regret ten years from now. I’m 20 and engaged, I’ve never dated anyone else, nor has he. We live together, we do all our finances together, we’re practically already married. But according to you I should call him my boyfriend for the next ten years until we’re “old enough”?
Most of the people responding to this article are taking it in the wrong way. They are pointing out tiny little details in an attempt to make the entire thing seem completely wrong… when in fact, though the author of this article may have chosen a few questionable examples to make their point, the idea is spot on.
In order to have a successful marriage, each partner needs to know who they are, what they believe in, and what they want to do with the lives. Most college students change their major at least once in their 4-5 year education… that’s an 18 year old unsure of what they want to do with their life, where they want to aim their education, what sort of career they want to have… someone who is still trying to figure out the very basic aspects of who they are simply is not ready to commit themselves to another human being in a way like marriage.
You can’t bypass your youth and jump straight into a commitment like marriage… that is extremely immature. If you aren’t ready for life, you are ready to get married.
The comments about alcohol… the author doesn’t mean that if you chose to have soda over champagne you are immature… she means if you are not OLD ENOUGH to buy alcohol legally, you need to rethink whether or not you’re old enough to be considering getting married at all. Alcohol is prohibited to young people for reasons we are already familiar with… If you aren’t mature enough to drink, do you really think you’re mature enough for marriage? Children? A mortgage?
About the modern music… it’s fine to have popular music played at your wedding.. The author is talking specifically about the “important” music, like what you walk down the aisle to. Weddings are full of tradition – there is actually a list of songs most brides chose to play during their procession. The reason behind this is because these pieces of music are tried and true, traditional, classic, and they ALWAYS will be. Do you want your marriage to be an example of a fad or what was in style? When you think back to your wedding 20 years from now, you might feel silly if you chose to march down the aisle to Lady Gaga.
The comments about wedding budgets fall into the same category as the music selection. This is your wedding – yes, it is only one day… but it’s also supposed to happen ONE time. This is your ONLY wedding… assuming you understand that weddings are for life… do save money where you can, but don’t be cheap. The wedding ceremony is meant to represent your future, as well as to kick off the start of the rest of your life. It’s a symbolic investment. If you don’t have the funds to make this day memorable and beautiful, you need to wait. If you can’t even afford a wedding ceremony, how exactly do you plan on financing the rest of your life?
The comment about marrying the guy you’ve been with forever… Don’t get me wrong, I am marrying my first love… but most people DO fall in love more than once in their lifetime. Young people need to explore. You need to meet people, hang out, “try on” a couple of guys. This doesn’t mean act like a slut; it means to keep your options open. You never know what else there is out there for you until you spend the time to explore. Marrying the one and only guy you ever fall in love with is like buying the first house you see just because it was in your budget… you wouldn’t limit yourself in any other aspect of your life, so why do it with love? Honestly, you’ve got to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.
In short, this article is more informed than it might appear at first glance. I might guess that those of us who immediately come out saying how offensive and rude this article is… probably are the young, inexperienced people it’s aimed at.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful thing. You don’t need to rush into it. It’s not ever going to go away, and anything worth having is worth waiting for.
By the way, if you LOVE someone, they are PERFECT for you, and you will NEVER find anyone better, what difference does it make to wait to get married? Spend some time on yourself, and marry that person in 5 years – they’re going to love you just as much then, and if they don’t… well then aren’t you glad you didn’t jump into something before you were actually ready?
I like how people come to a site called Bridezilla and then trash an article that is right within a Bridezilla personality. That’s like going to a Catholic Church’s site and condemning them for writing about acting holy or going to a foreign country and getting all bent out of shape because they don’t speak English. Sorry, but I agree with Miss B- while the maturity level lies different with each individual, the facts are- DIVORCE is HIGH amongst couples who wed too YOUNG. Under 20yrs of age- 27% chance of divorce, 21-24yrs- 36% chance of divorce vs 25-29yrs 16% chance and 30-34 8% chance.
Of course this article is ridiculous. The whole wedding industry is a racket and this is just part of it.
I think DIY weddings are sweet and meaningful but instead they want you to think you have to shell out the big bucks to get the same bland “sophisticated, classy” invitations, reception venue, food, flowers and music as every other bride in the US, as a sign of maturity. Isn’t the insistence on having exactly what everybody else for the sake of appearances high school logic at best? They want you to feel that way, its like Hallmark with their greeting cards. The industry sets the standard, with their own financial interests in mind, and then attaches some moral or sentimental value to it so that people feel that this standard is the “right” way. Best marketing ploy ever.
If I hear Canon in D one more time, I think I will puke.
Marriage, like child-rearing, is hard work and its not always pretty, but it is beautiful and it is worth it. Maturity, selflessness, kindness, respect, a willingness to compromise without being sulky or bratty and dedication to honoring commitments are all crucial to making a marriage work. Age, which brings experience, can help the development of these traits but we are all different. But I’ve seen middle-aged women throw hissy fits in supermarkets.
A couple’s family, friends, and spiritual organizations (if they belong to them) should be the ones helping them figure out if and when they should marry, definitely not some bogus article written to promote the interests of the manipulative and money-hungry wedding industry.
My eyes have been opened. I need to call off my whole wedding because I’ve decided to design my own (classy, sophisticated) invites with the Wilton DIY kits. It’s as if . . . gasp . . . I’m being mature and trying to stick within a reasonable budget, rather than having pretty pretty princess day that’s ALL ABOUT ME. My fiance and I can’t truly be married unless we’re in massive debt and/or have hit up our families for huge amounts of money, right?
Seriously, I’m DIYing as much as possible. It not only saves us a lot of money, but it also means we have a more personal, meaningful ceremony. It’s ridiculous to say that, just because you spent $500 on invites and had them done by a graphic designer, your wedding is better! I did them myself, and spent hours getting them as I liked. I think that personal time and effort counts for more than spending, spending, spending. But, of course, that ‘s not what the whole wedding industrial complex wants you to believe.
Also, I’m in grad school getting my Ph.D. If I waited until I was done with my degree, I’d be in my 30’s. I live with my fiance, we pay all our own bills, we look after our home and pets . . . Yeah, I think we’re grown up already.
This article has it’s points, but at the same time it’s ridiculous. I am very young, but we have our families blessing. My fiancé is deploying to Afghanistan in a few months, so we decided to get engaged beforehand and marry when he’s safely back home; we have already been together for nearly 2 years though, it isn’t as if we hardly know each other.
Someone made a point of changing majors in college, well my mother recently changed her career at 40something; is that still too unsure for a fit future with a spouse?
Some points are valid, but relationships and marriage aren’t once dimensional, so why should the “rules of marriage” be?
As a girl who wanted to get married at 19, but broke it off, finished undergrad, and went to law school instead, I think this article is spot on. I wonder how some of the authors of the 2007 comments would react to this article now that they’ve had a few years to grow up. The one thing that I thought was a little silly about the content of this article was the comment about DIY make-up. While I will probably make the choice to get a professional make-up artist, I don’t think it’s a “must.”
Hi, it’s Ashley. I’m 21 years old female. I’m living in East Kingston, NH. I wondering he got married twice (1 ex-wife, Renate Blauel in 1984-88 divorced and 1 husband, David Furnish in 2005-present). He’s 42 years older than me! I have never been a married that if I was too young to marry? I think Elton any have a good ideal my wedding if I really don’t know who gift me from first engagement back in Nov. 17, 2011 in Sailsbury, MA. In late January 2011, I think that Elton John would be straight for me? I don’t know that he might be the most happiest man alive in my beautiful bride, yet? In March 2011, my 21st birthday gifted from my auntie and he wouldn’t marryingly me that I’m thinking too young :/
I found this article to be very shallow. Also, I never waste my time writing things like this, but felt it was needed.
Of course, life would be simple if both woman and man were independent before tieing the knot. Though, marriage is about a commitment. It doesn’t matter how successful, old, or well adjusted they are in life to live a life with a loved one. It matters if the couple both have similar qualities. Qualities that will hold together a bond through thick and thin. These could be moral components, commitment, religious aspects, or complete respect for one another.
You’re not going to find someone who wants to marry you everyday of your life. I say, if you find your gravity in a man who finds his gravity in you, get married. Live life happy.
To the future young brides… do what’s in your heart. Don’t listen to the mainstream articles like this who support being a whore.
I agree with everyone that this article is extremely shallow. I am 18 years old and my fiance is 20. We have been together for 4 years without any breakups or infidelity. We are much more mature than others our age. I think it’s not fair to judge us because of our age, music taste, or personal preference of an alcohol free wedding. We don;t like drinking and my family has many alcholocs that i would much prefer to have sober on my special day. I love him and I find it very immoral and frankly, slutty, to assume you cannot be faithful if you dont sleep around first. Maturity for marriage os not soemting you can determine by age, money, music, or past sexual history. It’s about love and communication.
I do not agree with this article. I don’t believe that age, or any of the things listed, should be determining factors in a couple’s decision to get married. Their emotional and mental maturity is what matters. If a couple wants to play modern music or abstain from serving alcohol at their wedding it should be their decision. My grandmother and grandfather got married when my grandmother turned 18. My grandfather was 21. They were married for almost 70 years before my grandfather passed away this February. I know that times are different, but it proves that two people can marry young and still make it. Lastly, I would like to point out that many people get divorced, including those who were not married under the age of 21.
That said–I do not think this article was written seriously. Even if it was, the people at Bridezilla are not the marriage police and they cannot prevent youngsters from getting married.
The writer of this is immature, rude, and disrespectful–quite a few things that they seem to look down upon in their own article. I was recently at a wedding where no Canon in D was played…the bride was 38. And the ceremony was beautiful. They also abstained from serving alcohol at their reception–not because they were underage, but because many venues charge extra for an alcohol on-site permit. There is nothing wrong with DIY-ing your wedding. I myself am still in college (a graphic design student who has won national awards) and I plan to design my own invitations. I ALSO do not believe that a woman has to “shop around” before she settles down. What happened to just being happy? How do you think your 70 year old grandparents have been married for fifty years? It certainly wasn’t because they waited until they had both had their fill of sleeping with other people. And studies are now showing that couples who are married while in school have better grades because they have someone who is holding them accountable and someone who is supporting them. Marrying young isn’t for everyone, that is for sure. You could argue that the lack of mental maturity among younger people could create a potential problem in marriage–but I know 50 year old men (like my own father) who are less mature and responsible than my fiance, who is bound for med-school.
Oh, and next time you decide to write a hypocritical article, at least do it with proper grammar.
I have to both agree and disagree with this article. Upon a google search I came across this site and the author does have some valid points. I am 23 years old and have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart who is also 23 for the past 5 years…well thats if you count the 8 month break up we had a year and a half ago. It was a hard time in my life and the reasons behind it were infidelity in her part after going to Las Vegas. She became a different person. I am not saying cheating is right in any way because if you do it to someone else hell its so hard even still after 2 years next month. What made me want to take her back after the break was that i indeed saw my faults in the relationship which were lack of attention and disrespect. So my fellas out there word of advice, give your woman attention, affection and show her you deserve respect so she will never walk over you. And for you ladies, you need to stop feeling that its only about your feelings and pleasing yourself. Yes we know there are other guys that might be better looking and what not drooling for you and wanting to try out some of your clam but rest assured that most are assholes. Myself I am a great guy but some of the problems are still there. Last saturday we had a big fight and she threw a huge tantrum and hit me. I broke up with her and ignored her for 3 days. She had given up all hope of ever getting back together so now I feel that she never even tried to make things better. She did email me begging for forgiveness but these issues need professional help. We are going to find a counselor to see if it is worth keeping our relationship alive. Part of me wants to date other women because recently she was not meeting my needs and i felt disrespected but none the less I love her and I would never be unfaithful to her. Even though this article for the most part is junk, I do agree that at this present day in time we young people have so many negative forces out there that keep us from staying committed. The media and pop culture has to do a great deal with it. I can see how some of you reading this article might feel insulted but trust me, even though you feel so in love with your certain someone…..love must be kept alive. Relationships follow dynamics and so will your behavior change throughout the relationship. As long as you read and research about how to stay together and not let outside influences tempt you into drifting away from your partner, then i think you will be fine. I don’t want to discourage anyone from marriage but as long as you know what you will expect going into it you have a better chance of not being another divorce statistic. My relationship is not perfect and this is my first relationship ever but I have learned to love yourself and never let someone walk over you.
Another footnote,
Some of you ladies around the age of 21-23 years old will start getting a feeling of wanting to “find yourself”. Let me tell you this is BULLLSHT! Go look at yourself in the mirror and find yourself then. Guys don’t let your girls manipulate you and if they need space give them the most space possible. If you chase after them, you will be pushing them even further. I am in a limbo in my relationship but I know that I am a great guy, I am a good looking stud, I am smart and have accomplished alot so if she leaves its her loss. The events of the past have made me insecure and thats an effect of having to deal with this but I do love the girl and we will see if we can work it out or go our separate ways. Best of Luck to you guys and DON’T GET MARRIED BEFORE 25 TAKE IT TO THE HEART
I actually really agree with this article, okay so the tone is going to offend some people but believe me, it’s true. I am 27 years old and have just got separated after a 5 year marriage. I met most of the points on the list and cringed when I read them. Okay, I don’t believe that a “real” wedding has got anything to do with dom perignon, but believe me, it’s a horrible feeling to end up in your late twenties and google “life after divorce” and feel like the best of life is already over. Especially when your friends, and even your bosses, are only just starting to move in with their partners, only just starting to settle down and think about marriage and having children…
My advice is definitely:
1) Don’t get married whilst you’re still in school, college or grad school. It’s so important to be in a stable career with a clear idea of who you are as a person. Life CHANGES. Finishing school, getting a job… if you’re married, all of your options change. Every one of your future dreams has to be acceptable to your other half. If you have to choose between your risky dream job and a sullen wife and a large mortgage, you know what you’re going to do. And the choice will leave you unhappy, and you will hide your resentment, but it won’t go away…
2) Don’t marry your teenage love, this has got nothing to do with being a slut. EVERYONE on the planet has more than one “option,” so don’t settle for the first one. You really do never know who else is out there.
3) Make sure you’ve actually lived even some of your dreams independently before getting married. This is an enormous thing; you sacrifice so much of yourself in a marriage that you need to know you can be happy in your own time. You’re more likely to retain the space you need that way.
4) Listen to your parents, even if you hate them. If everyone really disapproves of your future husband / wife, have a think about the reasons why that might be.
5) Don’t ever ever ever get married because you’re afraid of being alone. Actually take some time to be alone instead, go travel for 3 months or take an intership abroad. You’ll figure out it’s not so bad, and you’ll find that other people are interested in you just for you.
6) Be engaged for at least a year. Even if you’ve lived together first. Trust me.
7) STOP and listen to yourselves. If you’re angry at this article, and say, “I’m 20, I’m mature, blah blah, this doesn’t apply to me,” then you’re exactly the kind of person who it DOES apply to. Because I used to think EXACTLY the same way — I was smart and mature and in love. The rules didn’t apply to me, because I was intelligent and stable enough to handle everything. Believe me, you WILL change. You WILL hit 25, 30 and think, “I wish I’d waited.” Boredom, curiousity and resentment do accumulate, My mid twenties was more full of change than my late teens and early twenties. And that change highlighted the cracks in my marriage, because we really did get married too young.
Just focus on yourself for a bit, there is plenty of time…
um, guys? This article is on “bridezilla.com”…why should it have so much impact? When I read it, sure, I thought it was harping and catering to materialism and it is indeed crazy to think a wedding should cost so much money, but most of you only proved that young people get romance and melodrama confused. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE weddings…other people’s of course. Read better articles if you think yourself such esteemed critics and apologies for the run-on sentence and lack of punctuation. Don’t crucify me.
Wow, most people on here obviously have a sticks up their asses.. If you’re young and know you want to get married, go for it. If you’re in love and want to get married, go for it. However it is that you want to have your wedding, go for it. At the end of the day, no one will be there but the bride and the groom! I agree that you should have a taste of the world, so that you don’t have any doubts or hesitations or whatever else it is that can cause you to question your marriage, but if you know you have found the one you want to be with and don’t need anyone else, then just marry them! Stop bitching about everything and do what makes you happy, you’re all going to die in the end, so make your lives memorable instead of bitching about some article that ‘offended’ you. No one forced your bitch ass to read it!
this article is the shittiest thing i have ever read. the person who wrote this is most likely single trying to follow their own love life rules. if someone wants to marry their highschool sweetheart, all the more to them, people dont need to whore around to find true love. these articles just offend people that are looking for advice. create an article of the signs you are ready to get married instead of trying to sabotage their future together
Most of the feedback on this artical is negative, simply because you took such an agressive stance on a subject that is highly sensitive for a lot of people, and what you have said may actually hurt those who are young and looking forward to their lives with their significant other.
By saying that age is a defining point in whether or not someone should get married, you sound like a woman going through a mid-life crisis, taking bites out of the younger generation in relatiation for no longer being a youth yourself. You make it sound as though you are lashing out in jealousy, immaturity, and denial.
You are also scraping very closely to religious beliefs. Though I myself am not religious, I know young men and women who plan on staying abstinant before marriage. If they were to follow your suggestions, even if they knowingly did it only to come back to their first love after they’ve experienced the world of dating, they would be breaking their religous morals.
My boyfriend wants to marry me. He’s told me he’s going to marry me. He even drunkenly called up just to propose, despite not remembering it the next morning. He loves me, and he knows he loves me because he’s never loved any of the dozens of girlfriends he’s had before me. Of all of them, he had sex with one, his longest relationship before me, a girl he was with seven months before she ‘chickened’ him into it, despite him being older than her.
He wishes he’d said no, and saved himself for a girl he knew for sure he was in love with. He tells me he wishes that I was his only, just as he was mine. What we see here is a young man who respects women and their bodies, and has adopted the same beliefs as myself – that sex is an affection, just another way we show we love each other. How likely is this man to have an affair if he thinks of sex this way, or myself for that matter?
He’s been cheated on, with that same girl I mentioned earlier. She told him that she wanted to break up with him, date and sleep with other guys, then get back with him in four years and marry him. That kind of attitude, ma’am, creates disloyalty. Not his, nor mine.
If you love someone, why regret anything? Why not just cherish the fact you loved in the first place?
I went through a great tragedy this year with the loss of my older sister whom I helped raise through her disabilities, and the only person there for me besides my parents was my boyfriend, who stayed with me the whole time. I have devoted myself to him, losing a relationship with a bitchy out-of-line best friend, and damaging my relationship with my dearest cousin.
Occupationally wise, he isn’t furthuring his education – he’s going into the police force. I, myself, am dabbling in several fields, one that will require three years of study. We want to start a family while we are young, so that we can see the world with each other and our children, not alone, drunk and bumbling and sleeping with whatever whispers our way.
Sure, I had plans that I know will have to be compromised, because when you are married it’s not just you making decisions anymore, it’s both of you. I wont be able to just up and fly to america to go to short film festivals and conventions on a whim, and he wont be able to take off on long motorbike trips and visiting pubs with his uncles without a second thought.
Marriage requires maturity, and perhaps you have just enough of it to think about how your married life will be. But what you really should be considering, particularly given the response this article has dished out, is how narrow-minded and unyeilding the thought-gap between generations seems to be.
At seventeen, I can admit that we may be a tad young and unworn, and stupidly drunk with love, but we’re also running at the brim with acceptance and the eagerness to live every moment of our lives to the fullest, because we never know how many more seconds will actually pass by on the clock. If that means living each moment with the man or woman we love dearest in the world, and starting a life early so we can relax, party when the kids are all grown and we don’t need to work or study six days a week, ( which is in hindsight more responsible ), then so be it.
But perhaps you should consider that it’s not for you to judge US, or we may start judging YOU back, wondering just why it is that you’re so seasoned before allowing yourself to commit to love.
I’m seventeen, my boyfriend is eighteen, and he plans to propose any time after I’m legally allowed. And I plan to say ‘yes’.
Sincerely replied,
Ash
God bless you both!!
I do not believe that you need to date around if you have a high school sweet heart. YES it can work out like it does in the movies, just because it didn’t happen to you, or anyone you know, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t happen. If there is no reason to break up with your significant other, then it would be silly to break up with them simply to give yourself to others for no reason. I am 23 and still very happy and intend on marrying my high school sweet heart.
Wow. Everyone DID that this personally. Chill out people, she has some valid points. I was just like half of these readers (“I’m 19 and in love with my high school sweetheart!!”) well, guess what, we’re NOT together anymore and I learned SO MUCH about myself after breaking up with him. I thought I loved him, I was young, what did I know? Had I married him, I would have been in for a life of heartache. Now I’m with a guy who’s showing me what love really is, and even though graduation (at age 24) is two and a half years away) seems like forever, we’re going to wait. Because we’ve grown up. Like half of you taking offense need to do.
I really disagree with point #10, saying that if you are dating the person you were dating at 16 you are not ready to be married. I am 21 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 17. We were high school sweethearts and have continued into college with intentions on getting married shortly after we graduate. We were each others first significant other. I think its narrow minded to say that if you are still with the person you were with in high school, your ‘personal growth’ is stunted. After being together for four years, I feel that we’ve grown more than many of our peers who have slept around and had multiple boyfriends. There is nothing glamorous about a hook up nation and more often than not the people who ‘sample the fish of the sea’ end up with hurt feelings, emotional instability, and a lot of regrets. I’ll happily stay with my one partner my entire life and pass on that steamy encounter with the upperclassmen who only wants me for a one night stand and a notch in his belt, thanks.
Really? My aunt was 30 when she got married and wanted to Honeymoon in Disneyland/world. What’s wrong with going to a place that makes you happy? They have honeymoon suites there for a reason you know.
Trying very hard to see what is wrong with creating a wedding on a budget, making your own invites and doing your own make-up? Surely the person who spends less on their wedding day and saves what they would have spent on expensive and un-needed items on say, a house deposit, is far more mature than someone throwing there money into things that really aren’t necessary. My partner comes from a wealthy background, but I still don’t want a big wedding, despite being able to afford it. Does that mean I should never marry? To the person who wrote this – grow up.
The fact people are arguing against this article suggests
1. they searched it down/clicked on it so were having doubts about their own marriage/relationship as young people
and
2. they’re complaining at an article who isn’t gonna give you a response and your missing the point… experience life before getting married cause these days….YOU CAN
Both show a lack of maturity and probably that these people aren’t mature enough to get married.
This article is poop. Honestly I’m 18 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We’ve even lived together since I graduated over a year ago and it’s only made our relationship stronger. I adore him and the idea of sleeping around for experience sounds really slutty. I can imagine nothing better than honeymooning at Disney world it’s always been my dream and the weather is awesome it’s really fun and at night it’s super romantic. You see people honeymooning there all the time. My boyfriend is going into the Air Force and I would reallyyyyy love to get married before then and I don’t think our age should be a determining factor in that situation. My parents got married at 17 and 18 and honestly, 19 years later, they are the happiest couple I’ve ever seen. So I think you need a little education in life experience. Not everyone’s experience is the same.
19 is too young to marry. I believe anyone should be in at least one mid-term relationship other than their spouse. You don’t want to buy the first car you test drive until you’ve been in others.
People change too much in their teens and early twenties. I wish you success, but the statistics for marriage success at your age are saddening. I married at 26 and I thought that was too young, but the availability pool was shrinking. Please wait 5-6 years to have a child to see if the marriage lasts.